The journey to finding and keeping a romantic partner can be tumultuous, and yet, that isn’t specific to our current moment: It’s a challenge our ancestors have faced for millions of years. Dating apps, when used thoughtfully, are our modern tool for an ancient task. What’s more, online dating has offered an evolutionarily unprecedented opportunity to reach potential partners beyond our traditional networks, on our own terms. The apps, with their simple interfaces and wide reach, remove many barriers for potential partners—especially those with marginalized identities—to find each other.
Why, then, does it feel like all the commentary about dating apps is negative? And, if they’re as bad as all the hot takes insist, why are dating apps and websites still so pervasive—especially among the more than 100 million single adults in the United States regularly using them to find potential matches?
The notion that dating was somehow easier, less stressful, or more fulfilling before these technologies existed is similar to a phenomena that social historian Stephanie Coontz termed the nostalgia trap: Romanticizing “the way things never were.” Finding and keeping a mate has always been a fierce competition, and there is little evidence that courtship was safer or more satisfying for our ancestors than it is for the modern single swiping on the apps.
Critiques of online dating tend to imagine that dating websites and apps have made courtship more transactional and competitive. And while dating apps can certainly have that effect, these same critiques often overlook the fact that dating—online or off—has always come with predictable challenges, awkwardness, and competition. Among them is the fact that we humans are dreadful at articulating what we want in a partner. Both online and off, we tend to reduce potential partners to a list of “composite traits” that aren’t always a reflection of our true desires.
And we tend to date aspirationally; research shows that we tend to punch 25 percent “above our own weight,” seeking partners of much higher mate-value than ourselves, which reduces the odds of a successful outcome. Dating apps don’t necessarily solve these problems. But they didn’t create them, either, and research suggests that people around the world are using social technology to overcome dating hurdles, expand their pool of potential partners, and find a relatively safe space to be themselves and connect with others.
In a comprehensive survey of dating trends, the 2023 “Global Relationship Report,” conducted by Ipsos in partnership with Match Group, surveyed more than 17,000 people from Germany, India, Japan, Turkey, and the United States. Though attitudes and norms around dating, sexuality, gender, intimate relationships and marital arrangements vary widely among these countries, the majority of respondents nevertheless agreed that dating apps and websites allow them to meet people of different races and religions (62 percent), with different views (61 percent), and from different backgrounds (59 percent). This is remarkable, given that historically, humans have tended to partner with those from the same demographic background (a pattern of being attracted to those similar to ourselves that social scientists call homophily).
The same report also showed that LGB (lesbian, gay, and bisexual) people in the U.S., Japan, and Germany are significantly more likely to have used dating apps and websites than the general population (46 percent vs 31 percent), and that, women living in countries with relatively less gender equity (Turkey and India) rely more heavily on online dating and feel safer on dating apps and websites than women across all countries. The parallel here is that both women and sexual minorities can face greater risks approaching romantic interests in person, and dating apps generally provide them with an opportunity to have a more informed, controlled experience. For those in the LGBTQ+ community, dating apps also have the benefit of narrowing the search for those with compatible sexual orientations, which in some regions is safer than, say, walking into a bar to try and find a match. This translates to 59 percent of LGBTQ+ adults in the study reporting positive experiences with finding potential matches, and 57 percent reporting positive experiences going on dates.
Studies also show dating apps are, to put it simply, effective: Our research team’s studies on U.S. singles has demonstrated that they connect with dates more through websites and apps than through any other venue, including school, work, church, or nightclubs. And other research has suggested that married couples who met on dating websites and apps turn out to have higher marital satisfaction and more stable relationships.
Yet the findings of the Global Relationship Report also highlight a peculiar pattern among the dating pool: Negative perceptions about trust and safety hide the predominantly positive experiences that online dating users report. People who have used these sites and apps are more likely to have positive perceptions about online dating than those who have never tried it. And while many people worry about the authenticity of online dating and are skeptical about possibilities for genuine connection, a majority of users have had positive lived experiences that run contrary to this perception.
I don’t argue that there isn’t room for improvement when it comes to online dating. Sexual harassment on dating apps, for example, sadly recapitulates the generally gendered heterosexual harassment that has plagued intimate life long before the Internet was invented. Dating websites and apps were a technological innovation to a social problem, but cultural expectations around love, sex, and gender have changed in the past three decades, and so too will our tools.
There is evidence to suggest that most singles are not nearly as disillusioned with dating apps as headlines would have us believe. Most compelling is the simple fact that people keep coming back. On January 4th, 2026—the annual peak of dating app usage known in the industry as “Dating Sunday”—apps and websites expect a surge in activity as new and returning singles follow through on New Year’s resolutions to pursue new dates and romantic connections.
Ultimately, success in dating—online and otherwise—requires both harnessing our instincts for genuine connection and embracing the vulnerability we’re wired to protect. Research shows that the top reported concerns of online daters center around authenticity: Both whether to trust that potential matches are representing themselves accurately, and fear of being judged for being oneself. We all try to avoid the universal pain of heartbreak.
Swipe left or swipe right? To match or not to match? These aren’t simple matters. The stakes are high. But should we find great love, or real heartbreak, through online dating, it’s not because the apps are any more sophisticated or more flawed than other kind of human courtship. It’s because we’re pursuing something evolutionarily hardwired in us, like our ancestors before us: We want someone to love us steadily, just as we are.
Dr. Justin Garcia is Executive Director of The Kinsey Institute and Ruth Halls College Professor at Indiana University, and Chief Scientific Adviser to Match. His latest book is titled “The Intimate Animal”.
