Kate Morris, a mother-of-two and journalist, lives with her husband, Luke, a photographer in London. Here, she shares the reality of sleeping badly and her advice for others with insomnia.

The most soul-destroying part of my life is my inability to sleep well. I have suffered with bouts of insomnia since I was 18.

My average time asleep is about five or six hours a night, and occasionally I hobble through the day on three or four. Seven hours’ sleep is optimum and I feel invincible when I (very rarely) achieve that. I envy people who sleep that well all the time.

Nearly three-quarters (71%) of UK adults do not have the recommended seven to nine hours’ sleep a night and one in five of us have problems sleeping.

How insomnia affects me

Lack of sleep affects my mood, memory, focus and brainpower. On the days I have hardly slept, I can be anxious, lacking in energy, short-tempered, judgemental and unable to work to my full capacity.

Not sleeping is detrimental to mental health. I have often thought I’d be a more positive person if I had experienced better sleep. It’s no coincidence that I have only spent one year in my whole working life commuting to an office. My lack of sleep days used to be so bad, that I’d have to take a nap halfway through the day.

Lying awake is also depressing and boring. My mind drifts with escalating negative thoughts. I decipher petty grievances, decide I have no friends and conclude that I haven’t achieved anything. It takes concentration to pivot these thoughts around.

My triggers

There are triggers that can make sleep even more elusive. Caffeine can stop me sleeping, so I avoid it after midday. Chocolate can keep me awake. I can be too stimulated by a party or some kind of entertainment to sleep. Champagne, or vodka, is like an adrenalin shot.

A new bed and place is also a trigger. Last summer, we were invited to Greece by a friend. It was so exciting, but I panicked once there when I discovered my pellet of melatonin did not have enough pills to last the week. Three nights were spent awake, hot and unsettled. Thankfully, the days were not taxing, mostly soaking up the sun and falling into the sea, but the nights were lonely and depressing.

Searching for solutions

I have tried many methods to sleep, some work for short periods. At one point, after a tip from an insomniac friend, I enrolled on a weekend course in Acem meditation. I found the process of repeating a mantra helped me fall back to sleep. I would also use it for a short power nap. It still works now and then, but is not foolproof.

Recently I have tried listening to podcasts, but if the content is too interesting it can be stimulating rather than soporific. My daughter gave me a lavender and magnesium lotion for Christmas and for a few weeks that combined with the melatonin worked very well and I slept deeply.

I recently heard Fearne Cotton on Davina McCall’s Begin Again podcast say that she was unable to sleep the night before her BBC2 morning radio show because of anxiety, which meant eventually she had to quit the job. This resonated with me because if I have something important to do the following day, the fear of not sleeping will often keep me awake.

Coping with toddlers

When my two children were small, I was almost crazy with tiredness. Broken sleep was compounded when my toddler son learnt how to climb out of bed and up the stairs to our room. He would get into our bed and I wouldn’t be able to sleep again.

One morning, with a crashing headache and mad with exhaustion, I came down to the kitchen and aggressively snapped at our au pair for not having loaded the dishwasher. She snapped back and I left the room and wept. I felt demonised and not myself, as though my personality had changed.

That same day I dropped my son at nursery and asked to speak to the head teacher. When she asked if I was OK, I tearfully told her about my son waking me in the early hours. She instructed me to take him back to his room straight away, rather than let him sleep in our bed.

I would have to lean against the door so he couldn’t get back out. It sounded radical and extreme (not the kind of parenting I adhered to) but I was desperate. She said it would work within 48 hours and she was right.

The perils of sleeping pills

After my daughter was born, my sleep became so bad that, against my intuition, I began to take sleeping pills. The doctor initially advised me to quit caffeine, listen to music and meditate. I went back a month later, pleaded for pills and she gave me a prescription.

At first, it was great to know that I would sleep, even though it was dreamless and not particularly restful. Soon though, I noticed that I was beginning to rely on the pills and that they were not working as well. The doctor renewed my prescription with a higher dose.

I began to feel permanently premenstrual and on edge. I finally decided to quit the day I absent-mindedly left a wad of cash in the cashpoint, and fell down in the street. I still kept them in my bedside drawer though for several months, which was reassuring.

What helps me sleep

Insomnia is a difficult infliction to bear, but I think it is possible to improve sleep patterns. It’s also comforting to know that not everyone needs eight hours’ sleep. I am okay on six hours, really good on seven and can survive, albeit on low par, on five.

If I am vigilant and turn off screens before bedtime, don’t eat too late, drink a sleepy tea, take melatonin and spray the soles of my feet with magnesium and lavender spray, I should sleep. There are no guarantees for how long though, but that’s OK.

My sleep is far better than it used to be and for that I’m grateful.

Photos provided by Luke White Photography.

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