Growing up as the child of one of the most recognizable people in the world comes with attention most kids never have to think about. For Bill Gates’ daughter, Phoebe Gates, that attention was intentionally kept at a distance. In an episode of the podcast The Burnouts, hosted by Phoebe and her co-founder of AI shopping platform Phia, Sophia Kianni, she explained why she used her mother’s last name for years, and how that decision shaped her childhood for the better.
The conversation came up while Phoebe and Kianni were interviewing The Skinny Confidential founder Lauryn Bosstick. Bosstick was talking about how she and her husband decide what parts of their children’s lives to keep private online, explaining, “I don’t feel my kids are extras in the play… They didn’t sign up for this.” That moment struck a chord with Phoebe. “I love that,” Phoebe said, before explaining that her parents made a similar decision long before social media was part of everyday life. “My parents were really intentional about that about me growing up in Seattle and not like a big city, and making sure we didn’t use my dad’s last name until we were in high school,” she shared.
Phoebe explained that as a kid, she and her siblings had a choice to either use the Gates name or go by their mother’s last name, and for most of her childhood, she went with the latter. “That was a decision we had, and it really allowed me to be able to make friends in like a really authentic way before I’d be like, ‘Oh, this is my family,’ or ‘This is who I’m related to,'” Phoebe said. Instead of leading with who her father was, Phoebe said she got to experience friendships without the weight of that knowledge hanging over them. “I was able to see, ‘Okay, who are my friends?’ versus like not, and that was really, really important,” she explained.
It’s a feeling a lot of kids understand — when the friendships that last are the ones built on trust rather than whatever name you happen to carry. A 2023 Scientific Reports study found that teenagers actively decide who to look to in their social circles. In experiments, adolescents preferred to seek information from friends and peers they perceived as trustworthy, and these choices often outweighed simple popularity or status cues. While traits like “cool” or “admirable” sometimes played a role, trust was a stronger factor in who teens chose to observe. These findings show that peer trust and personal connection matter deeply to young people as they form social identities and navigate their relationships.
Looking back, Phoebe believes the choice protected her in ways she didn’t fully understand at the time. “I honestly think it wouldn’t have necessarily been good for me to be fully in the spotlight as a child,” she said. She laughed while recalling her time on the math team, complete with blue and green braces to match the Seattle Seahawks’ colors. “I really thought I was doing something,” she joked, adding that at the time, her biggest concern was school spirit, not public scrutiny. Bosstick reacted with visible admiration. “That is amazing that your parents did that for you,” she said, pointing out how rare that level of intentionality is, especially given her father’s global profile.
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This article originally appeared 1 month ago.
